fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
