I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
