I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
