Plan B is the new Plan A
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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