So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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