Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
