Christians are straight up FREAKS
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize