I am in a vortex of obligation.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
