I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
