I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
