they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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