It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
