Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
