Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
