i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
