if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
