all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Is Oprah even human
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Dear god my vagina.
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