My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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