my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
