I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
