hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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