idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
