I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
