So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Dick very happy bro
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
