You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
