i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
