I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
