He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
