First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
