I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
