My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
