dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
