just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
