I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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