I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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