I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I think I have vodka in my lungs
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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