Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
