I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
