I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize