Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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