I wanna bring you to show and tell
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well I just put wine in my tea
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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