Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Damn victory sex feels great
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
