....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize