dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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