i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
