Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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