I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
