your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize