well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
