I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
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