pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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