You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
