I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize