Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
