Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
