we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
