At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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