after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
