my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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