When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
