The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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