I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
