All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
