what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
