You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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