You're so nebulous sometimes
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
