mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
