I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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