Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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