OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
