He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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