Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
