tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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