I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
